All Your Firsts Without Me Read online

  Table of Contents

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Quote

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Epilogue

  About the Author

  Other Books by LM Terry

  All Your Firsts Without Me

  Copyright © 2021 LM Terry

  Published by LM Terry

  All rights Reserved

  ISBN-13: 9798743237760

  No part of this publication can be reproduced or transmitted in any form, either electronically or by mechanical means without prior written consent from the author. Brief quotes are permitted in the instance of reviews or critical articles. This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.

  This book is intended for readers 18 and older, due to adult content and language. This is a work of fiction. Any names, places, characters, events, or incidents come from the author’s imagination and are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Cover Design by Amanda Walker

  Interior Design by Platform House Publishing

  Edited by Nice Girl Naughty Edits

  Dedication

  To all the unsung heroes in the world.

  “A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere

  and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.”

  ~ Christopher Reeve

  “The most beautiful stones have been tossed by the wind,

  washed by the water and polished to brilliance by life’s strongest storms.”

  ~ unknown

  PROLOGUE

  David

  Arranging your own funeral is hard. Planning for your wife to fall in love with someone else is even harder. I know most would think I should go peacefully and let April drift where the wind blows her. But she is different. She won’t let the wind carry her anywhere. When I leave this earth, I know what she will do. She will ground herself at home and surround herself with all my things. She’s already been placing my clothing in zip lock bags to retain the scent. I caught her unaware, on her knees in our closet, tears streaming down her face as she lifted each item to her nose before carefully placing them inside the bags.

  Sure, she will continue to live. She will go out with our friends because they will beg her until she has no other choice. But she won’t look for love again. She won’t look outside herself at all. Our love story is unique, it is a love that can never be diminished or forgotten. I know she will never be able to replace what we have. But I do know there will be love for her again. A different kind of love— not better, not worse. That is why I go into this arrangement with another man without jealousy or animosity. I go in with nothing but love for my beautiful, young wife.

  He is giving me the greatest gift. A chance to remain in her life after I’m gone. He’s giving me the opportunity to make sure she doesn’t slip into the depths of despair. Most importantly, he will ensure she receives the family I could never give her. She deserves that.

  Now I know some of you are not going to understand how I can do this. Maybe you are wondering what right I have to manipulate her life after I’m gone. It’s not something I set out to do, but just as fate brought her to me, fate will guide her to Westin with a little nudge from me. He and I believe this has the potential to be one of the greatest love stories of all time. She is deserving of that. Her very own fairytale romance. She didn’t get that with me, our love story was born of fear and tragedy. Soon you will learn why I am doing this. Then you will understand why I went to such great lengths to ensure she falls in love again. She will. She has too.

  Before we go on, you should know that Westin is nothing like me. We have similar qualities, which April needs, but in personality, looks, and everything else, we are vastly different. I didn’t go out and look for someone who was a carbon copy of myself. Not even close. This was not something I set out to do at all.

  Westin fell into my lap. It was, like I said, fate. We met at a bar and to be quite clear, no, our eyes didn’t meet across a crowded room. It wasn’t instant love between him and I. In fact, I was a little leery of him in the beginning. Believe me, I’ve done more than just vet this guy. I’ve dug so deep that I know what he eats for breakfast. April deserves the best. I made sure the man she will be sleeping next to is safe. Knowing she will be with him intimately after I’m gone is not something I like to think about, but I’ve had to for her well-being.

  But, while I’m here on this earth she will be in our bed with me. She is still mine.

  April was mistaken for an ordinary pebble. Everyone overlooked her and brushed her to the side. Everyone but me. I saw the glimmer shining beneath the dirt, the neglect, the hurt. I polished her with time, love, and encouragement. Now you cannot mistake her for what she is… a diamond. The pressure she endured in her young life made her what she is today. She has a quiet strength. There is so much still lying below the surface. I’ve only made a scratch at uncovering what she is capable of, but unfortunately my time with her is coming to an end.

  I don’t want to see her stall out. She has so much to offer this world. I know she does. But she isn’t there yet. So, Westin will finish what I began. He will be the one to witness how much she can truly shine. He promised he will see to it that she shines so bright I’ll be able to see it from my place in heaven. If that is where I end up. That’s still up for debate.

  Besides, this has kept me busy and helped take my mind off my illness. I’ve had to call in favors from friends who looked at me like I was crazy, but after listening with tears in their eyes they all agreed to do their part.

  No one knows how big this is. Nobody but me.

  I’ve spent my days plotting and writing letters. Letters to guide her through all her firsts without me. If everything goes according to plan, she will love me even more, and if all goes correctly, she will love Westin just as much.

  You think I’m crazy?

  Maybe.

  Only time will tell. Maybe you will even find yourself falling in love with me.

  Who knows? Life is full of surprises.

  CHAPTER ONE

  April

  “How’s David doing?” my nail stylist asks as she buffs out my nails.

  I glance at David’s sister, Teresa. She nods her head, encouraging me to talk about my husband’s illness. “He’s good. Nothing gets him down. He’s still going to dialysis three times a week.”

  “I’m sure he will love this color.” She taps my finger with her file.

  Smiling, I agree. David loves bright, cheerful things. He’s amazing. The love of my life. Without him I don’t know where I would be.

  As much as I like getting my nails done, I would rather be spending time with him. He is the one who insists I do this every week. This and shopping. It’s become Teresa and I’s scheduled girl time. He says it’s more for him than me. I drop him off at the bar a few blocks from here before meeting Teresa at the salon. He says he needs his “guy” time.

  He promises me he only has one beer. I’ve stopped drilling him about it. I know it’s important to him. It gives him a chance to feel like a man, an independent man, if only for a few hours each week. That’s been the hardest thing for him. Relying on others to meet his needs. It’s the silliest thing I’ve heard, because in reality, I rely more on him.

  I will wilt after he leaves. He is my sun.

  “So, what shall we do with the rest of our time?” Teresa asks, pulling me out of my head.

  “I need to run to the grocery store. Kaden is coming home. He eats like he’s still in high school.” My anxiety picks up just thinking about Kaden’s arrival. Him coming home in itself isn’t unusual. He tries to spend as much time with his dad as he can. What troubles me is I overheard my husband on the phone asking him to come. It’s not like David. He’s always been adamant that we all continue on with our lives as normally as possible.

  Teresa swivels her chair to look at me, the lady doing her nails clicks her tongue in disapproval, but Teresa ignores her. “Kaden is coming home?”

  I nod, not meeting her eyes. My heart is about to beat out of my chest. She thinks it’s unusual, too. That means it’s not just my paranoia.

  “Isn’t it about
time for finals to start?”

  I sink my teeth into my bottom lip to keep it from trembling. “You know how they are. I’m sure they have a day of fishing planned or something. It’s probably just a quick trip. You know, to check in.”

  She looks at her nail lady and reluctantly slides her hand back across the table. “Yeah, I’m sure you’re right. It’s just your average, everyday visit home.”

  We finish the rest of the afternoon at the grocery store, mostly in silence. While we’re loading the car with our purchases I think back to when Kaden and I met. He was fourteen and I was eighteen. I had never seen someone eat as much as him.

  “You need me to come to the house and help you unload all this?” Teresa asks.

  “No.” I smile and give her a hug. “I’ll be fine. Sorry I was quiet today.”

  She shakes her head and pushes me back so she can look me in the eye. “You don’t have to explain yourself. You know you can reach out to me. I’m here for you all the time, not just on Friday afternoons.”

  “I know. Why don’t you and Jeff stop by this weekend to see Kaden?”

  “That would be lovely. I’ll talk to Jeff and drop you a text.”

  “I better go. David made me promise I would have a drink with him today.”

  She frowns but catches herself and gives me a brilliant smile, much like her brother’s. “You lovebirds have fun then.” She pushes her sunglasses down from where they were resting on her head and gives me one last look before hopping in her car.

  Before I step into the bar, I shake myself out, casting off all the negative thoughts I accumulated today. Shoulders back and head held high, I put on my most dazzling smile for my husband. He looks up the moment I walk in and gives me a smile of his own that makes my heart cry out. I rush over and wrap my arms around his shoulders, kissing him gently on the cheek. “How was salon day?” he asks, reaching over to pull the chair out beside him for me to sit.

  I plop my butt down and wiggle my fingers in front of his face. He laughs heartily which makes every head in the room turn our way. They all smile before politely turning back to their drinks. “I love it,” he states before taking my hands in his and kissing every single nail.

  “The color reminds me of you,” I tease.

  “Yellow? Really, that’s not a very manly color.”

  “Yellow like sunshine.” I kiss him on the nose, pulling his wheelchair closer to me.

  “Well, if you put it that way.” He brushes his thumb over my bottom lip. “I’ve missed you,” he leans over, whispering in my ear.

  “I missed you more.”

  His hand wraps around the back of my neck. He plays with the strands at my nape, pulling me close so we are nose to nose. He gazes into my eyes for several minutes before kissing me so deeply and so thoroughly I’m ready to grab the check and head home.

  When he leans away, he chuckles. “You promised you would have a drink with me, wife.”

  “We could have a drink at home.” I wiggle my eyebrows, hoping he takes the hint.

  “That’s not the deal. You promised me a drink here.” He smiles, waiting patiently for my response.

  “Okay, but I have groceries in the car so only one.” I hold up a single finger and laugh when he nips at it, clicking his teeth together.

  A waitress sets a margarita on the rocks in front of me and a bottle of beer in front of David. He must have already put an order in for us.

  “Do you realize this is the first time you and I have had a drink together in a public place?”

  Tipping my head, I study his face. “Is it?”

  He nods. “Do you ever wonder what it would have been like to meet me under normal circumstances? What if we would have met here at the White Glass?”

  “We couldn’t have met here,” I tease. “I wasn’t old enough to drink.”

  He laughs heartily, forcing me to close my eyes and absorb the sound. I file it all away so later I can turn it into a melody. One that I will play over and over again in my mind.

  “You know what I mean, you little shit.”

  “I do, but we met the way we met. Why ask me that?”

  He runs the back of his finger over my forehead before letting it trail down the side of my face. “Sometimes I think you missed out.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” My brows furrow in confusion. David doesn’t seem himself tonight.

  “You missed out on your youth, on falling in love naturally.”

  My eyes drop to my lap. He leans back and looks over his shoulder at something before reaching out to tip my chin. “I’m sorry. Let’s not think about the past. I want to talk about your future.”

  He hands me my glass, urging me to take a small sip. It warms my belly, giving me the courage to finally meet his eyes. “My future is with you.”

  “April, honey, you know I don’t have much time.” He cups my cheek in his palm, his thumb brushing back and forth lightly.

  “I don’t want to do this here. Let’s go home, please,” I beg.

  “I need you to promise me something.”

  I wrap my fingers around the hand he is so lovingly caressing my cheek with. “I would do anything for you.”

  “Promise me that six months after I pass away you will come back here. Back to this exact same place.”

  I release his hand, allowing my gaze to flit around the dimmed space. A sense of doom begins to fill me. The thought of leaving the house to come back here alone, gives me heart palpitations. I won’t be able to do it. He of all people should know this. I’m only here now because he is here with me. “I…I…”

  “You can. I want you to come back here exactly six months after I leave this earth and have a drink. Buy a round for the entire bar. Celebrate life, celebrate my life if that is what you need to do. But you get up, put on a nice dress, and march your happy little butt down here.”

  “Don’t talk like this. I don’t like it,” I tell him, pushing my drink away. “I want to go home.”

  “Promise me and then we will leave.” He stares into my eyes.

  I blink a few times and then lower my head. “Okay, if that is what you want. I’ll do it for you.”

  He kisses my forehead and pushes my drink back in front of me. “Drink up, you’re going to want to be foot loose and fancy free for the night I have planned for us.”

  I laugh at the way he talks. “Foot loose and fancy free? You’re too much.”

  He throws me a sexy wink then glances around the room, searching for the waitress. When he can’t find her, he holds out his card and sends me up to pay for our drinks. I’m leaning against the bar by the cash register when my favorite song comes on the jukebox. I don’t have to turn around to know David played it for me. The song breathes life into me.

  Someone nudges my elbow as I hand the card to the waitress. “Looks like someone is waiting for a dance,” a stranger tells me. I don’t even turn to look at the man who spoke, my eyes are solely on David. I snatch the card out of the waitress’s hand when she returns it and rush over to him. He pulls me onto his lap, making me squeal. He wheels us around the dance floor, my hands framing his stubbly cheeks. I love this man so much. I don’t care that our marriage is unconventional. I don’t care he is twenty-four years older than me. He is my soulmate. His sunshine saved me from the dark.

  CHAPTER TWO

  David ~ The past

  “Grab your gear, we’re headed out to that compound we’ve been watching. Child protective services got an anonymous child endangerment call on the leader, James Declan. When they went out to investigate, they were denied entry and things turned ugly. Turns out it’s worse than we thought. Two young women have now come forward with similar stories of what’s going on out there. Several precincts are going in,” Giles tells me as he readies himself.

  “Weapons suspected?” I ask as I gear up.

  “Yep.”

  We quickly load up and head out with several others from our precinct. The compound has a shelter belt of trees on two sides and tall fencing on the other two. We listen to the commanding officer and then take our positions and wait. A lot of what we do is waiting. After several hours, a signal is given, and we head in to clear the compound.